let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
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I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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