When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
