Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
