Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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