he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
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It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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