Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
