She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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