Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
