apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
