Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
