He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
