Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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