At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
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after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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