I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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