accomplished twins. life is a go
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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