As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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