You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
