I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
