I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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