when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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