Just mADE A PArabola og urine
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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