I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
