So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
