he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
