I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
