My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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