My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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