If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can you bring me the toilet please
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
