It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
