Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
