I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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