he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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