What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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