i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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