That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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