Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
