You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
