Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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