Porn is love you can see.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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