I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
