i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
