there's paper in my vomit.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
