I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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