The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
