and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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