I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
