3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
