Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
