erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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