Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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