so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
