You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
