Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
