I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
