Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
