Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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