hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
ttyl tear gas
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Randomize
