I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
