Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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