you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
