tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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