I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
