I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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