i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
