Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
