YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
