We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
we should paint friendship bongs
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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