The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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