sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
