so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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