are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
