ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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