You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
