god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
