everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
