she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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