my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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