Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
