hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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